When Will the Journey End?

No one. I had no one. Black, dark and loneliness surround my cold white ghastly body. Only the light of the candle flickers before my eyes. Feelings that the flames will devourer me at any moment. As tears filled my eyes, like a tidal wave coming to shore, I new I've finally hit rock bottom.

Ever since my mom died, it was like the floor kept falling from beneath me, and I have been running ever since. But now I just can't find my way back. Maybe its not about going back, maybe. The thought I had of every being happy dashed out of my mind. And without knowing if it will ever return.

Roughly, the car turned. It was if they couldn't wait to get rid of me. I though I had found home, but I was wrong. My life like a virtual game. You may do whatever you want with me and have no consequences. That was it, my life, me. Was like a cartoon, my feet are running but I'm just not moving. Raging with disappointment and aggression my bags hit the ground, not that I even had that many but they were mine and no women like her could ever take what my mother left for me away.

Opening the door, the smell of old wood bit my nose like a bee. Here I am once again. The door slamming shut behind me. Like it was possessed and wouldn't let me leave here for bigger and better things. Nervously moving further and further up the stairs, trying to not make any noise, I suddenly heard a floor board creak from the level of the building I was about to reach. Pounding. My heart was going to come out my mouth. So I began to whisper, " It wasn't my fault, I never hurt her or anything she loved, she hurt me." And at that moment the creaking stopped. Finally someone realized how I was feeling. Why I never trusted those who cant trust me. " Orphans are treated like this, we must except it."

Then I realized, then I knew. Miss. Goucher was once an orphan too. At first I didn't understand this thought. Unwillingly, I kept dragging myself up the staircase. Tired, I went to my old room. It was the cleanest and nicest, but nothing compared to my own house. With a Mom, or even a Dad. It never really occurred to me that one day I might have a Dad. I don't even think about them, after all mine walked out on me and my Mom when I was born. Pictures were the only sight of him I have left. Who, would want to remember such a hurtful man anyways.

Opening my eyes, that felt like led blankets, the sun shone. Brightening the walls and corners of my room. Which happened to always be pitch black. I didn't have any light in my room. Except for a small bed lamp just for reading books. With books, I could imagine myself somewhere else, somewhere beautiful. Away from here. Living in an orphanage for 6 years, doesn't help either. Whats that saying, "what ever doesn't brake us, makes us stronger", well then I better start lifting some hay bales cause this women, feels like dust. Dust that would disappear, and no one to notice. My mom always use to say, "I love you till the mountains tumble down". Now it feels that they cold blow away at any minuet.

Fairytaled, Miss.Goucher ran in. "Just tonight is all you'll be spending here ever again little lady.
A very kind and caring family offered to take you in".
Gasping, my eyes paused they're redundant blinking motion. Clock, unticked. She walked out in a model way. I started to rush, I must pack I thought I have a feeling, this could be the one. Now don't mess this one up Jordan. "I won't", I replied back to my conscious.

The day went by fast, and be for I knew it, there I was. Sobbing. Miss. Goucher and I saying our good byes. "Well child this is it, I voe to you, that you will never come back here, until I die".
Grabbing my bags, Mr. Sall asked if I was ready to go, checking if I had the only picture of me and my mom, I calmly said, "yes", and the adventure of a life time began.

Arriving at my new house, well it wasn't just a regular house it was a Rancher. Yes a farm, with white picket fences enclosing it in. I think I've found it. the one true place in the world where I belong. Maybe its not about about going back, maybe its about being right where you are. I realized it. That was the long lost part of my life.

Days went by, Mr. Sall, now went by Billy. Although, I became more familiar with him and the animals, I wasn't like that with school. Telling me that I was going to start, in approximately one week. Oh, no not school. New kids, new teachers. No friends.

Startled, we went shopping for new school outfits. Running into our neighbors, we said a quick hi, and bye. Billy introduced me to their daughter, she will be going to school with me. At least I kinda knew one person.

The day I was dreading came faster then I imagined. Arriving at the front Grace was there. "Hey Jordan",
"Hey", I replied studdering.
"You ready for fun, or what"?
"I hope so",
"No worries". She exclaimed with a joyful glare in her eyes.

As I walked in, the eyes layed on me.They were everywhere. " I think they like you",
" ha yeah, think again".
I knew they were probably think of what a freak I looked like. " You know you don't have to walk with me, and be like the outcast with the new girl".
" Hello, I'm the only one here, who actually knows, no one else does".
" Well if they do they're just going to have to deal with it",
" yes that's the spirit". Grace was always positive.

Introducing me to all of her close friends, and so many other people. I couldn't remember one name. It wen't by quikly, and I had more work to do then I knew what to do with.

The first day was a bler. And when I got home, at least I now had somewhere to call home, I was excausted. Some how I felt love surrounding me. "Love is in the air", but not that kind, it was different. The family type love. It felt good. I'm stuck in the moment. No place on earth I would rather be. Then here, right here.

I can now stop running, and live in the moment. My mom always use to say, " just be yourself, cause life's to short to be anyone else ", she was right, when I was little my mom got sick. Everything changed........ including the world.